『壹』 英语搞笑短剧
老同学（搞笑校园短剧）
演员：小石头 老干巴 大杂面 小丹
小丹：这不嘛，大学毕业十来年，当年的同学见面都难，有的有钱有的没钱，穷的不把富来奔，富的与穷家也无言。同学情感可不能白费，所以我们今天啊开个同学会，只为交流情感，不在乎喝不喝醉，呵呵。（收拾屋子）
大杂面：小丹呐，你咋还忙活呢，快做饭吧，老同学都快来了。哎，我还得告诉你几句：今天时间也不晚了，记住今天聚会赵卫锋是重点，他现在是辛氏企业的经理，百分百一个大款。咱今天要是把他整高兴了，那咱们就抱住那金饭碗了，哈哈哈哈！
小丹：你怎么那么见钱眼开呢？难道同学之间也要讲钱？
大杂面：小丹你咋这么不懂事呢，同学同学，同样是学生但不一样学习。当年学习不努力，他穷了也不能和咱们生气啊，当年刻苦学习的，他有钱也证明是自己努力。你好比当年的辛井水吧，倒是挺能折腾的，活动参加不少，就是不努力学习，听说毕业就失业了，现在在家种地，你说这是何必。
小丹：人家辛井水怎么也是同学啊，你可不能厚此薄彼啊。
大杂面：啊，对啊，你曾经还和辛井水谈过一段恋爱，怪不得你一直在为他说话呢。你们可别当着我的面情情爱爱，别怪我翻脸让他歇菜！
小丹：你！哼！（生气的下）（大杂面坐下看报纸）
小石头：（接电话）外！我是赵卫锋，哎呀，辛总啊，对来大杂面家开同学会，您放心吧，我一定会把这事办的清清楚楚，明明白白的，好好，再见！
（敲门）开门！
大杂面：来了，你好你是？
小石头：我是赵卫锋！
大杂面：卫锋，哎呀！（拥抱）我想死你了，咱们十年没有见面了吧，我都想四你了！怎么样您母亲还好吗？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您父亲还好吧？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您家里都好吧？
小石头：还好！
（小丹出来）
小丹：哎呀！小石头啊！
小石头：恩？你是？
大杂面：小石头？哎？这位是赵卫锋赵经理，你怎么能……
小丹：啊，原来是赵经理啊，那你们坐下聊啊！
（赵卫锋手机响，接电话）
小石头：外，辛总啊！什么？好，我马上过去！
老同学，我公司有点事情我得马上过去，好吗？咱们有机会再聚！
（赵卫锋下）
大杂面：完了，完了，他走了，这同学会还开啥了？饺子包了，来人就喝茶吧！
（老干巴上，敲门）
小丹：谁啊？
老干巴：我！
小丹：老干巴？
老干巴：小丹？诶呀吗呀
小丹：诶呀！
大杂面：小丹谁啊？
小丹：老干巴快进来！军言，你看谁来了
大杂面：啊，送煤气罐的吧，放里边吧！
小丹：他好似咱们的老同学老干巴啊
大杂面：老干巴？哪个老干巴啊
老干巴：不认识我了？大杂面？你忘了我，我可记得你呀！
大杂面：我叫张军言不叫大杂面，（不屑的）里面坐吧。
小丹：（拉住老干巴的手）老干巴，现在干啥呢，可挺长时间没有看见你了啊。
老干巴：啊，我那什么……
大杂面：咳！小丹，你去烧点开水去！
老干巴：大杂面！不张军言，你现在干啥啊？
大杂面：呀，也没干啥！就搞几个小项目呗！
老干巴：啥项目啊？
大杂面：啊，没啥，也就是给北极星供暖，把太平洋变浅，克隆一个北朝鲜，再把黑洞填满。
老干巴：诶呀！那你还挺忙啊！
大杂面：呵呵，一般！老同学，那你忙写啥啊都？
老干巴：我跟你比起来差远了，成天净鼓动农作物了。
大杂面：（骄傲的）那也行，一年也能对付个一两千！
老干巴：哪能啊，一年也就八九百——万！
大杂面：啊，八九百？万？不是我说你老干巴，你跟我你吹啥啊？啊，咱们当年都农村出来的，谁不知道一年挣多少啊，啊？你有啥困难到我这你装啥啊，我也不是不能帮你。我这现在家业好几十万，光自行车我就好几个。等会你把那个89年的推走吧，没事别老走着多累，骑去呗！
老干巴：恩，我没走着！
大杂面：骑倒骑驴啊？那玩意更累疼，还不如自行车呢！
老干巴：不是……
（小丹上）
小丹：你们唠啥呢？来喝水！
大杂面：小丹，把咱们家那些破衣服啥的给老干巴拿走点，买衣服太贵了。
小丹：哎！
（小丹拿出一件衣服）
大杂面：你拿那不我的衣服吗？
小丹：那你不说给老干巴吗？
大杂面：我说你塞暖气空子里那几件！
小丹：那还能穿吗？
大杂面：老干巴他还能嫌咱们呐？
老干巴：没事，老同学嘛，永远都是老同学！
小丹：老干巴，还没有吃饭吧？
大杂面：啧！人家老干巴还能不吃饭？再说咱家菜油太大，老干巴能吃惯吗？回头再拉肚子可咋整。给老干巴包几个馒头拿走，人家老干巴没准还有急事呢！
小丹：张军言，你是不是有点过分了？
老干巴：那什么，没事，小丹，军言你们忙着啊，我先走了！
（赵卫锋敲门）
大杂面：这又是谁啊？这个闹停！
（开门）
大杂面：诶呀！卫锋！诶呀，你可想死我了，太好了，小丹快炒菜，今天别走了啊，就在这住！
小石头：不的了，我们懂事长在这吧？
大杂面：懂事长？没有啊！
老干巴：（过来）小石头，事情办妥了？
小石头：辛哥，办妥了，外商直接就拨款2000万！
老干巴：好，咱们走吧！
大杂面：辛哥！诶呀，我想死你了！太好了，小丹快去买海鲜，辛哥，今天别走了，我给你定酒店！诶呀，快给辛哥泡龙井啊，这破衣服你又翻出来干啥呀？辛哥，快坐下！
老干巴：军言……
大杂面：辛哥你还是叫我大杂面亲切！
老干巴：你还记得自己曾经叫大杂面？你记得你这个名字怎么来的吗？
大杂面：当然记得，小的时候家里穷，我每天都带一个玉米面上学，同学们都叫我大杂面，但是没有一个人瞧不起我，他们都来帮助我！
老干巴：那时候我每天都带一个糖馒头上学，每次都用馒头换你的杂面吃。不是我爱吃杂面，而是我想让你知道，世界上除了钱之外，还有情感存在！军言，对辛懂事长你就可以请海鲜，住酒店，对老干巴你就连多呆一会你都不愿意吗？老同学老同学，就算我们再有钱，也不能忘记了曾经的老同学啊！
大杂面：老干巴！呜——
（音乐响起）
~~~
Old classmates (art campus drama)
Cast: small stone on the old Dan Zamian big Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Xiao-Dan: This is not just after graating from university 10 years, was difficult to meet students, and some money some money and the poor to the rich not to Ben, rich and poor families also speechless. Emotional students can not wasted, so we ah open a classmate, only for the exchange of emotion, do not care to drink do not get drunk, huh. (Packing house)
Big Zamian: small Dan diploma, you also spent yesterday, it quickly cooking it, the old classmates come. Hey, I must tell you a few words: This time is not too late to remember gather today Wei-feng is the key, he is now the manager of Hsin Enterprise, a wealthy 100%. Our whole today if he was happy, then Let's cling on the golden rice bowl, You You!
Xiao-Dan: So how do you money eyes? Do students have also say money?
Big Zamian: small Dan night so you do not know anything, the students students, but students are not the same as learning. Then learning sleep, he can not and the poor Let angry ah, that assious study, he also proved to be money of their own. You like it then Xin Well, it is quite able to disruption, and to participate in many activities that sleep study, we heard that graate unemployment, now at the land, you say this is why.
Xiao-Dan: Well how are people Xin students ah, ah, you can be partial.
Big Zamian: ah, ah, you have also talked about a period of well water and Xin love, no wonder you have been in it for him to speak. You can not face the situation in front of my love love, I decide to let him Bieguai Xiecai!
Xiao-Dan: You! Sing! (Angry the next) (sit down and look at the newspapers Zamian)
Small stones: (phone),! I Zhao Feng, wow, Xin total ah, home to a large Zamian students, you rest assured it, I will definitely do this clearly, out-and-out, well, good-bye!
(Knock on the door) open the door!
Big Zamian: come here, you Hello, yes?
Small stone: I was visiting front!
Big Zamian: Wei-feng, wow! (Hug) I think you die, Let's not 10 years to meet the bar, I want to 4 you! How kind your mother also okay?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your father also OK?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your home is OK?
Small stone: okay!
(Dan small out)
Xiao-Dan: Ah! Small stone ah!
Small stone: TU? You yes?
Zamian large: small stone? Hey? This is Wei-feng Diaojingli, how can you……
Xiao-Dan: ah, it was Diaojingli ah, then you sit down and chat about ah!
(Wei-feng cellphone, the phone)
Small stone:, Xin total ah! What? , And I immediately past!
Old classmates, some things my company I immediately past, okay? We both have the opportunity to Zaiju!
(Wei-feng under)
Big Zamian: finished, finished, gone, it will also open啥students? Dumplings package,来人on tea!
(Thelephora ganbajun Zang old, the knock on the door)
Xiao-Dan: Shuie?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: small Dan? Ah ah long period of time?
Xiao-Dan: long period of time!
Big Zamian: Dan Shui A small?
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang coming fast! Army statement, you see who is going to the
Big Zamian: ah, it sent the gas tank, put inside!
Xiao-Dan: We both like his old classmates old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang? Which old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: I do not know? Zamian big? You forgot me, and I recalled you!
Big Zamian: My name is Zhang statement is not big Zamian, (disdain) sitting inside it.
Xiao-Dan: (attraction to the old hands Thelephora ganbajun Zang) Thelephora ganbajun Zang old now abide by relevant regulations, it could be quite a long time no see you ah.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: ah, that what I……
Big Zamian: cough! Xiao-Dan, you point to burn to the water!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Large Zamian! Zhang Jun and not words, you abide by relevant regulations ah?
Big Zamian: ah, did not abide by relevant regulations! To engage in a few small projects hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang:啥project ah?
Big Zamian: ah,没啥, that is, to Polaris heating, the Pacific shallow, a North Korean cloning, and then fill the black hole.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: long period of time! Futingmanga you!
Big Zamian: Oh, General! Old classmates, then you are busy writing Shae?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I tell you far worse than up, Narita net instigated the crops.
Big Zamian: (pride) that also, a year can deal with a 2000!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: How could ah, it Bajiu year - 10,000!
Big Zamian: ah, Bajiu? 10,000? Nilao Thelephora ganbajun Zang is not what I said, you told me you blow Shae? Ah, let out that all rural areas, who do not know how many ah-earning year, ah? You wield difficult to me with Shae you, I can not help you. I am now possessions hundreds of thousands, light bike, I like a few. , And so will you put that 89 Selection走吧, nothing more than another tired old walk, ride to hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: TU, I did not walk!
Big Zamian: riding inverted Qilv ah? Nawanyi pain more tired than a bike?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: No……
(On the small Dan)
Xiao-Dan: Do you these chats about normal, Shane? To drink!
Big Zamian: small Dan, Let's break those clothes home to the old啥Thelephora ganbajun Zang away, too expensive to buy clothes.
Xiao-Dan: hey!
(Dan show a small clothing)
Zamian large: that you do not take my clothes?
Xiao-Dan: Then you do not say that to the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Big Zamian: I said you Cypriot Heating empty yard that few!
Xiao-Dan: It can wear?
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang He also suspected Let diploma?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: nothing, just old classmates, old classmates are forever!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang, no dinner?
Big Zamian: Ze! Thelephora ganbajun Zang old people can not eat? Say too much anymore vegetable oil, used to eat Thelephora ganbajun Zang old? Zezheng diarrhea can be back again. To the old-Thelephora ganbajun Zang took several steamed bread, old people Thelephora ganbajun Zang chances are emergencies?
Xiao-Dan: Zhang Yan, you are not a bit too much?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: What then, nothing, small Dan, the military statement you busy ah, I am ahead!
(Wei-feng knocked at the door)
Zamian large: This is Shuie? This闹Stop!
(Open)
Zamian large: long period of time! Wei-feng! Ah long period of time, you can die, I would like to, very good, small cooking Dan fast today Biezou the ah, in this live!
Small stone: not at all, we Dongshichang in this?
Big Zamian: Dongshichang? No ah!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: (from) small stone, things get?
Small stone: Xinge, complete, direct foreign funding to 20 million!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Well, let走吧!
Big Zamian: Xinge!诶ah, I wanted to die you! Very good, small buy seafood Dan fast, Xinge, Biezou today, I will give you the hotel!诶ah, soon to Xinge bubble Longjing ah, broken up by the clothes you abide by relevant regulations ah? Xinge, sit down fast!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Army statement……
Big Zamian: Xinge you still ask me to the Zamian cordial!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Do you still remember their own once told the Zamian? You remember how your name to?
Big Zamian: Of course remember, when the small home poorer, every day I go to school with a cornmeal, students都叫I Zamian big, but no one look down on me that they came to help me!
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: every day when I take a sugar buns to school, every time you change the Zamian steamed bread to eat. Zamian is not my favorite, but I want you to know that the world apart from the money, there are emotional existence! Army statement on the symplectic Dongshichang you can please seafood, live hotels, the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang you will be an even多呆you do not want to? Your old classmate old classmates, even if we have money again, we can not forget the old students, who ah!
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang! Ming --
(Music sounded)
『贰』 英语搞笑短剧，5—10 分钟！7人左右！急！
前台小姐：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak English? ”
前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak English? ”
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing, no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.” 老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”
Will power意志力
Mike(M) Danny(C), Tommy(T)---classmates
地点:Scene----in the college dorm大学宿舍
Danny is playing a computer game on his laptop. Tommy is sleeping.
Mike came back from a morning jogging.
M: hi, Dan, what are u doing?
D: I am playing war craft.
M: Where is Tommy?
D: Shiiiii!
M:What? What's the matter?
D: Don't u see? He is still sleeping.
M: My goodness! I can't believe this! It’s almost nine. He got to get up now. Don't u remember we are required to make up a three people dialogue for tomorrow's oral class?
D: Yes, I do. You wake up Tommy and I will play one more round of war craft.
M: You'd better stop playing right now. We don't have much time to prepare this dialogue. Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Time to wake up!
T:five more minutes, please.
Mike: No way, Jose. Time really flies.We still have a lot to do. Hurry up.
T: (Tommy sits up in his bed) Can I lie down two more minutes, please, just two more minutes? when Danny finishes his game, I will be fine.(Yawns) I don't know why I am so so sleepy. (Tommy lies down again.)
M: Guys!!! I am really angry now. Time waits for nobody. If you two don't stop what you are doing now, I will find somebody else to be my partners.
D and T: all right. All right. We listen to u.
M: That's more like it. We need will power.
D and T: what is will power?
M: Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do.
D: You mean like trying not to play war craft?
Mike: right.
T: you mean like trying not to stay up late?
M: right.
Danny turns off his computer. Tommy gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Two minutes later the three maskeetters are working on their assignment.
Danny: Mike, can I take a little break? Let me play one round and we will continue our work?
Tommy: Mike, Can I lie down a minute? My back hurts.
Mike: No! No! No! Let's finish our work first before we do anything. We need will power!!!
Danny and Tommy: that's true. We need will power! We listen to you.
The end
六人
On The Way Home回家的路上
Six high school students are walking on their way home, talking, laughing, ...
六个高中生走在回家的路上,一边聊天,一边笑.
A: hey, guys, what are you going to do when you get home?
喂,哥们,你们放学后干什么啊?
B: I'm going to watch the soccer game replay.My parents won't let me watch in the early morning.I'm so mad at them.
我要看足球重播.我爸妈不让我大清早起来看.我还在生他们的气呢.
All:(sing)If you're mad and you know it stamp your feet(everybody stamps his feet)
大伙(唱) 如果你知道你生气你就跺跺你的脚(跺脚)
C: I think I'm going to get something to eat first. I'm so hungry.
我一回家就要找吃的.饿死我了.
ALL:(Sing) If you're hungry and you know it touch your tummy,mmm...(everybody toches his tummy)
大伙(唱)如果你知道你饿了你就摸摸你的肚皮(摸肚皮)
A:(to D) what about you?
A(对D说) 你呢?
D:(pretend to yawn)I can't wait to lie down on my sofa. I'm so sleepy.(yawn again)
D:(装打哈欠)我恨不得马上躺在沙发上.真困!(打哈欠)
All except E:(sing)If you're sleepy and you know it take a nap(pretend to take a nap while yawning)
大伙E除外:(唱)如果你知道你困了你就打个盹(打盹)
all of a sudden, A realizes E is nowhere to be found.
突然,A 意识到E不见了.
A:(to F)E,where is E?
A(对F说) E, F 呢?
F: I have no idea. He was with us one minute ago.
不知道呀.刚才还在啊.
Eeverybody turns around looking for E.
大伙四处寻找E
B: Look! there he is! (pointing )
在那! 他在那!(手指远处)
C: oh oh, he is with a stray dog.
不好了,他和一个流浪狗在一起.
D: I know he likes dogs.
他喜欢狗.
F: but that dog looks mean.
但那狗样子很凶唉.
A: we’d better tell him to stay away from that mean looking dog.
我们快叫他别理那狗.
Everybody: (shouting) E! Come back! Come Back!
大伙(大声叫)E! 回来!回来!
B: Oh my god! He is bleeding!
天啊!他流血了!
D: The dog bit him!
他被狗咬了!
F: Hurry up!
快过去看看!
Everybody runs to E. E moans in pain.(pretend moaning)
大伙跑过去.E 疼痛地叫着(装疼叫)
ALL: (to E)are you all right?
你怎么样?
E: (shakes his head and keeps moaning)
(摇头,疼叫)
A: let’s call for help!
快叫救护.!
All: help! Help!
有人被狗咬了!有人被狗咬了!
They can not find any help nearby.
附近没有人.
B: Let me carry him to the hospital.
我背他去医院吧!
All: let’s go!
走!
B picks up E and carries him on his back.
B 背起E.
They go to the hospital.
他们朝医院走去.
The End
剧终
不知道你们会不会唱那首歌”If you’re happy and you know it”, 如果不会就照读好了.唱歌的话效果会好些.
『叁』 英语搞笑短剧 5分钟左右 急求
这是我写的两人小剧.是反应基本的卫生习惯的问题.不知你是否喜欢?
人物: Alex 和 Bob
地点:学生宿舍
Flushing the Toilet冲厕所
A: Oh my god, what a stinky smell! Who didn't flush the toilet?
天啊,这么臭气熏天啊? 谁没冲厕所呀?
B: (reading a book silently)(静静地看书)
A: Bob, is that you again?
Bob, 又是你干的好事?
B: what? what about me?
什么? 我又怎么了?
A: You didn't flush the toilet.
你用了厕所没冲!
B: I did.
我冲了.
A: No. you didn't. The stinky smell is unbearable.
你没有! 这臭气熏天,简直无法忍受.
How could you sit here quietly and read your book as if nothing had happened?
你怎么还可以在这静静地看书,好象啥事都没有.?
B: I didn't smell anything.
我没觉得臭呀.
A: I am sure it's you. How could you not smell anything. Go flush the toilet now!
那一定是你干的. 怎么可能什么都闻不到? 快去冲厕所!
B: I remember I did flush it. (He went to the bathroom to flush the toilet.)
我记得我是冲了.(他走进厕所,冲洗马桶)
A: Don't you ever do that again. That's barbarian.
我警告你以后别再这样啊. 那是非常不文明的行为.
B: well, I'll try to remember. ( Bob is eating some cookies now.)
嗯,我尽量记住. ( Bob 拿起些饼干在吃)
A: Did you wash your hands after you flush the toilet?
你冲完厕所有没有洗手呀?
B: Do I have to?
要洗手吗?
A: Oh my god! I think I need to change the room right now..
天啊! 我还是换间寝室好了.
The end 剧终
『肆』 求搞笑的英语短剧
阿甘正传的片断
FORREST (voice-over) That Momma, she sure was right.
It's funny how things work out.
EXT. BAYOU LA BATRE/BUBBA'S MOM'S HOUSE - DAY
Forrest walks up to a shack on the edge of the Bayou. A group of black kids play in the front yard.
FORREST (voice-over)
I didn't stay home for long, because I'd made a
promise to Bubba. And I always try to keep my promise.
So I went on down to Bayou La Batre to meet Bubba's
family and make their introction.
Bubba's mother named MRS. BLUE and her other children look at Forrest.
MRS. BLUE Are you crazy, or just plain stupid?
FORREST Stupid is as stupid does, Mrs. Blue.
MRS. BLUE I guess.
EXT. BUBBA'S GRAVE - DAY
Forrest steps over to Bubba's tombstone.
FORREST (voice-over)
And of course, I paid my respect to Bubba himself.
FORREST Hey, Bubba, it's me, Forrest Gump. I remember
everything you said, and I got it all figured out.
Forrest pulls out notes from his pocket.
FORREST I'm taking the twenty-four thousand, five hundred
and six-two dollars and forty-seven cents that I got...
EXT. BAYOU - DAY
Forrest walks across a yard where men are cleaning shrimp.
FORREST (voice-over)
... well, that's left after a new hair cut and a
new suit and I took Momma out to real fancy dinner
and I bought a bus ticket and three Doctor Peppers.
Forrest walks along a wooden pier. Forrest pays an old black shrimper a large wad of cash.
OLD SHRIMPER Tell me something. Are you stupid or something?
FORREST Stupid is as stupid does, sir.
EXT. BUBBA'S GRAVE
Forrest stands at the grave.
FORREST Well, that's what's left after me saying, "When I was
in China on the All-America Ping-Pong Team, I just
loved playing ping-pong with my Flex-O-Ping-Pong Paddle."
Which everybody knows it isn't true, but Momma says
it's just a little white lie so it wouldn't hurt nobody.
So, anyway, I'm putting all that on gas, ropes and new
nets and a brand-new shrimpin' boat.
EXT. BAYOU - DAY
Forrest steers his shrimping boat. The boat is old and rusty. Forrest unleashes his nets as his catch of the day drops to the deck. It is a bunch of garbage and shells. Forrest picks up one shrimp.
FORREST (voice-over)
Now, Bubba had told me everything he knows about shrimpin',
but you know what I found out? Shrimpin' is tough.
EXT. DOCKS
Forrest pulls a couple of shrimp out of a bucket.
FORREST I only caught five.
OLD SHRIMPER A couple of more, you can have yourself a cocktail.
The old shrimper begins to walk away, then stops and looks at Forrest.
OLD SHRIMPER Hey, you ever think about namin' this old boat?
FORREST (voice-over) I'd never named a boat before,
but there was only one I could think of.
Forrest paints a name on the side of his boat. The name is "Jenny."
FORREST (voice-over)
The most beautiful name in the wide world.
灰姑娘
白 :Long ago, there lived a girl. Her mather had died and her father had married again,His new wife had two daugters. They are so bad as their mother. The poor girl had to work day and night. She must sleep in the kitchen. She weared drity clothes. All of them called her cinders for Cinderella. However, we’ll show you a different play today.
(灰姑娘昂首挺胸帅气十足地上场)
旁白 ：She is so strong, and smart. Especially she is good at sport.
Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘冲刺,旁边老师读秒:11’9)
Now, she is playing basketball.(灰姑娘以一敌众,轻松灌篮)
Now,she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,对手倒)
This is her----Cinderella
灰姑娘(怒,看旁白) :Do you finish?
旁白 :Ok(结巴)continue, even she is perfect, she still can’t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----
继母(假装洗衣服) :How cold the water! I’m too old to do anything, My leg is so painful.
(灰姑娘默,从继母手中拿过洗衣盆)
(一姐将盆碗碰得乱响.灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过盆碗)
(一姐手持针线缝衣,刺手,尖叫—灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过衣服)
第一幕
(灰姑娘在帮后母按摩肩膀)
二姐(奔入,扬动手中传单) :Mom, Mom, Look! There are some leaflets. I got them on the street.
The King is having a party. The Prince will look for a wife.
一姐(托腮) :I must be choosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world.
二姐(凭空跳舞) :No, Not you. I have the charming shape, I am the Queen.
(两姐争吵起来,继母从女儿手中拿过传单,亲吻)
继母 :Oh, baby. Stop. You two are the most beautiful girls in our country. He will probably choose one of you. Come on , make up yourself. We haven’t enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come here, help your sisters!
灰姑娘 :OK, I will. But, mom, can I go to the party tonight? I want to ------
(三人敛神)
一姐 :Oh, my God! I forgot Tim’s homework. He gave us a lot of homework.. I can’t finish, what should I do ?
二姐(拿书,指,附和) :Oh, Yes, Yes. Look, execise A, excise B, excise C, excise D, excise E, Oh, planning tree, essay, study plan------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God! Oh, my party! My Prince! My happyness! and the country’s future!
灰姑娘(慌乱,安慰) :My sisters, don't cry! I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!
(母女三人一通忙乱后) : Goodbye, our lively girl!
第二幕
(魔女骑着一把几乎掉光了的扫把登场)
旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!
(魔女撞到灰姑娘)
灰姑娘(怒) :Who are you ?
魔女(得意) :I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch. I can give you all the thing you wish.
灰姑娘 : Really? Do you kown King’s party? I want to go, but------(低头看自己的破衣服)
魔女(大笑) :Don’t worry. It is easy for me! Look, clothes, shose,car-----
灰姑娘(面露欣喜,扑向鞋子) :Oh, how beautiful glass shoses!
魔女 :Wear it, and go !
第三幕
(富丽堂皇的大厅里,音乐飘扬,人声鼎沸.女士们翘首以待)
侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the Prince.
(鼓掌,欢呼)
国王(严肃) : Please be quiet! As everybody knows, today I will chooes a beautiful, slim, homorous, and long hair girl for my son----(转身,指向王子),handsome, strong, tall, and brave!
(王子做害羞状)
众女士 :How lively! How handsome! (做陶醉状,冲向前,将王子团团围住)
(此时,飞出一女,持扇 “杀出一条血路”)
(王子与灰姑娘共舞,突然手机铃声响起)
王子 :Who’s phone?
灰姑娘 :Oh, it’s my phone!(掏手机边跳舞,边接电话) This is Cinderella, speaking!
魔女 :It 12’clock, game will be over, come back quickly!Or you’ll change back!(开始敲钟)
灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑,掉了一只鞋)
王子(检起鞋,追) :Wait! You forget give me you name, and you phone number!
王子(注视姑娘远去,悲情) :I’ve lost her!
第四幕
旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl. He issued a proclamation, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!”
(王子带着士兵到处找人试鞋)
士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士甲试鞋) Oh, your foot is too big!
士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士乙试鞋) Oh, my God, what a terrible smell! Of coures not you !
旁白 :A t lat, the Prince come to Cinderella ‘s home.
(两姐站在门口,花痴状) :Oh, the Prince is coming, he is so handsome! He is so cool!
士兵(拿着鞋) :Please try the galss shoe.
(两姐妹正抢): Oh, it is my shoe! ------Oh, it is my shoe!
(士兵夺过鞋,递给大姐): You first!(大姐拿过鞋,却怎么也穿不进去)
士兵 : Stop doing that. You foot is too long, you will break the shoe!
二姐(得意) :I said, it is my shoe.(抢过鞋,试穿,费了九牛二虎之力终于穿上,走开来)
二姐 : ****, too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉脚,鞋飞到灰姑娘身上)
继母(怒吼) : Why are you here? Back to kitchen! Wash the dishes!
士兵 : Wait! Every girl must try !
继母 : She is drity! It is couldn’t be her!(灰姑娘默,轻松的穿上了鞋)
王子(欢呼) :Oh, it fits! I found you !(王子和灰姑娘拥在一起)
旁白 :The Prince was delighted to found her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were merried. They lived happily ever after!
『伍』 搞笑的英语短剧
送个两个 ，你自己选一个，第一个比较搞笑 ，第二个比较简单 你自己看着办 ，但愿有你喜欢的 ！
英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》
Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地狱)! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下)
Act3本文转自：
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still
dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沉吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!
Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us!
The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you?
L(哭状):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)
2、英语短剧：小兔子乖乖
时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨
地点：鸟语花香的动物王国
人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog
旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳，高兴极了。在小河边，他碰到了Miss Cat。
Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？
Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck跳进水里，一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。）
Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal．
Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind．
Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！
Cat：Bye-bye！
（Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，连忙跑过去。）
Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk．
Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．
（Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口，然后扶着她回家。）
Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon．
Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you．
Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！
Rabbit：Good-bye！
（Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了，走着走着，他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口，看上去非常着急。）
Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？
Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do．
Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you．
（Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck，Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。）
Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you．
Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother．
Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home．
Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog．
（Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）
『陆』 急求一份英语幽默短剧.～！
（一）
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
（二）
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving
births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and
says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
（三）
Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together."
The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished
for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!
My Baby Swallowed a Bullet
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?
Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly
fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed
to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile
phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said
calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then
the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and
next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
fool_fox
标题：I'm the boss
内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
Wife's picture
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
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『柒』 推荐几部 即好看又搞笑的英文电影
1《你丫闭嘴》这个超级搞笑。。该片讲述的是让·雷诺扮演的杀手Ruby为了被仇人杀害的情人，而走上了复仇路。
2《逃狱三王》30年代初，密西西比州荒野的监狱里，一群“劳改犯”正干着枯燥、繁重的采石、碎石。艾弗瑞特也是其中之一，整天打着各种逃跑的鬼主意
3《大腕》讲述的是电影制片厂摄影科下岗职工尤优偶然遇到个甜活儿--为好莱坞大腕级导演泰勒在中国拍摄影片《末世王朝》的工作过程，
4《阅后即焚》讲述的是中情局特工奥斯本因为酗酒被开除，为了报复他开始撰写丑事回忆录。
5《两杆大烟枪》盖伊·里奇导演以本片赢得国际赞誉，该片讲述了伦敦街头混混艾德和朋友参加黑社会赌局却欠下巨款，筹划打劫一群毒贩，
6《三傻大闹宝莱坞》讲述了三位主人公法罕、拉加与兰彻间的大学故事。兰彻是一个与众不同的大学生，公然顶撞院长，并质疑他的教学方法，。
7《洋葱电影》，恶搞的一部电影
『捌』 搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:, Never mind baby.
X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !
Y:You are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?
K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.
X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive you? Why ?
Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!
Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you. I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go to wc?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?
M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.
K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.
M扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !
K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.
X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.
M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,
M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
—来自于网络